Who Do You Trust with Your Dreams?

There are unexpected downsides to oversharing

Jul 01, 2024

toddler looking at believe in yourself graffiti — Photo by Katrina Wright on Unsplash

Just recently, I realized that the more I talk about a goal, the less likely I’ll work towards it. Since this realization, I’ve tried not to talk excessively about projects I haven’t started or completed yet. I try not to overshare my plans. But if you know me, you know how talkative I can be (especially on something I’m passionate about), so it’s a struggle.

Research has shown that talking about your goals can negatively impact your ability to complete them. Your brain plays a trick on you and makes you feel you already accomplished something by sharing. This premature feeling of accomplishment diminishes your motivation to work towards the goal. There’s also a certain perceived external validation you get when you share your goals — you know that look of impressed you see on someone’s face when you tell them you plan on writing a book, running a marathon, or climbing Mount Everest? It feels pretty good doesn’t it?) The validation you get from sharing goals you haven’t started, well it can prevent you from actually starting.

I believed that talking about my big dreams and grandiose plans made me bold and signaled my strong commitment. After learning about the research on how premature sharing leads to a false sense of accomplishment, I realized, “Oh shit that’s me!”.

It got me thinking about the other potential downsides to oversharing. What other ways can it affect your ability to stay determined or committed? One you might find very familiar is that oversharing can also put undue pressure on yourself to produce something perfect or speed up your timeline. Under the watchful eyes of others, changing your creative direction can make you think you are disappointing the people who know what you’re working on. There is value in working on your projects in the quiet of your own pace where you have the freedom to experiment, change direction, and take rest periods. The creative process needs and sometimes thrives in these moments.

I come from a culture that can be very hush-hush about certain things. I used to scoff at it however, as I got older I realized there is some validity to it. We all have people in our lives that we tend to keep certain things from, and as your life expands that list can get longer. It could be keeping a new hobby from your friend group because you don’t want to get teased, or keeping things from your parents to avoid their scrutiny or disapproval. It could be keeping your big dreams from your cynical friend. Some of these things we do by default or after a learning experience. After a few of my own learning experiences, I decided to take stock and ask myself “Who do I trust with my dreams?”. So now I’m asking you, who do you trust with your dreams?

Don’t assume you’re immune to criticism. Yes, you are committed to your goal but don’t underestimate the power of little comments from people to slow you down or weaken your focus. People can, without meaning to and void of malicious intent, sow seeds of doubt in you. These seeds of doubt can creep into your psyche and lead to further procrastination, increased fear of failure, or even total goal abandonment. Even seemingly harmless comments like “Why don’t you run a 10k first?” or Are you sure you’re ready?” or backhanded compliments like “You’re so brave for aiming so high”, can have you thinking “Maybe I’m not ready yet”. You are.

Sometimes you could have enough self-belief and determination to keep you going but not enough to also fend off the world's cynicism.

Know that, shooting for the stars can be embarrassing. Sharing your big dreams with people could make them think you’re delusional. Save yourself the chore of having to “block the criticism” and direct all your energy to working towards your goals.

Of course, there are instances where people can be good sounding boards for your ideas. You should have trusted peers and mentors who can give you quality guidance, advice, and constructive criticism when needed. These types of people will keep you committed, propel you, and make you more confident.

I’m asking that you be honest with yourself, use your discretion, and be cognizant of how you talk about your plans. Do you feel motivated enough to start or are you frozen in place and would rather talk about what you could do instead of doing it?

Be intentional with who you share your dreams with. And if you’re currently fending off an influx of teasers, skeptics, or mockers, remember: People will laugh at you and then, in time, they’ll laugh with you.

You got this!

Wandering, Not Lost

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