Long-suffering Doesn’t Have to be so Long
Are you being patient or have you gotten too comfortable in the uncomfortable?
Long-suffering definitions:
Someone who is long-suffering patiently puts up with a lot of trouble or unhappiness, especially when it is caused by someone else. - Collins Dictionary
Patiently enduring lasting offense or hardship - Merriam-Webster
Life comes with its highs and lows. I’ve known this as long as I can remember and I accepted this dichotomy as a fact of life even before I started experiencing any obstacles or turmoils myself. At the young age of eight, I heard or read or was told the quote:
“Life is like a piano. White keys are happy moments and the black ones are sad moments. Both keys are played together to give us the sweet music called Life.”
This quote has stayed with me for years and guided my outlook in more ways than I can say. I only looked up its origin this year. Turns out, it’s a quote from the book Rise Up and Salute the Sun by Suzy Kassem an Egyptian-American poet. I wanted to buy the book but it’s almost $300 on Amazon, so never mind. Maybe someday.
After coming across this quote, it sunk in and took root at a very fundamental level of my psyche. I didn’t even know it then, but I took its message as an indelible fact and resolved to always accept any obstacles I faced as an inescapable reality of life. It was just part of the deal. This acceptance made me resilient as I saw any difficulties I encountered as just a passing phase which meant the good would come soon and my scale would be balanced.
As I got older I of course started to encounter some difficulties and obstacles just as this quote had promised. My understanding and acceptance of life’s ups and downs taught me resilience amidst suffering and this helped me immensely. It has made me strong and determined. I’m quick to bounce back and always certain a positive outcome is just around the corner. It acts like a shield that protects me from any thoughts of giving up or feelings of defeat. It’s made me confident and till today, it strengthens my ambition.
However, I’ve come to realize that this shield also made me accept and tolerate less-than-ideal situations for too long. I realized I tend to stay in uncomfortable situations longer than I should. I accepted mediocre treatment from people in my life ( cough- college boyfriend - cough). It made me put myself last or accept less than the best in certain situations because I just accepted that 1. “It is part of life” and 2. “This too shall pass”. It made me take on the burden in friendships and relationships and social dynamics because I believed I was stronger so I would do the honors. I would apologize first and forgive relentlessly. I took pride in being the most understanding human you could come across. I carried so many crosses I shouldn't have had to. Too many crosses that were not mine to carry.
I’m learning to remain resilient but to recognize when it’s time to move on and remove myself from situations that are not satisfactory, respectful, or worthy of me. Long-suffering doesn’t have to be so long.
Are you being patient or have you gotten too comfortable in the uncomfortable? C’mon now! You know the answer, you just don’t want to see it. You just don’t want to shake the table, have that difficult conversation, or disrupt the balance even though the scale is not in your favor. You would rather keep your head down and take the hit so everyone else is comfortable while your stress level rises and you break just a little bit more inside. Long-suffering doesn’t have to be so long.
Long-suffering as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary is patiently enduring lasting offense or hardship. The key word is “lasting”. Have you gotten comfortable being stuck in the same lasting cycle of offense and hardship?
Yes, life will also have struggles, but your struggles should evolve. Your problems should mature and new obstacles should symbolize your growth and elevation from previous stages. The journey of life will always include the occasional and (if you’re in a quarter-life crisis, frequent) battles and struggles for your sense of worth and self. Don’t let them win.
Break out of the patterns of making the same mistakes over and over again. Are you patient or are you stuck?
Maybe you’re repeating the same patterns but tell yourself you’re practicing resilience. Are you making the same types of mistakes or playing the same role in life that you’ve said to yourself and even to others that you want to get out of? Perhaps it’s fun. Sometimes we relish in our pain. We get off on the high of going through the same patterns. You know, dating the bad boy that you know will break your heart and crush your soul, making the choices that you know are wrong but they make you feel rebellious and wild and free?
Or maybe you’re staying put because you fear being out of your comfort zone. I get it. It’s a real and legitimate fear. The first step to overcoming it is to realize that you are acting out of fear and not out of resilience or strength of your character. Being a kind person shows character, being a pushover who never speaks up for themselves does not.
You’re practicing longsuffering but for the wrong things. You have to be more strategic and braver in the places you expend your energy and tolerance. Stop giving people chances they don’t deserve.
Longsuffering doesn’t have to be so long. You don’t have to accept every shit that’s thrown your way and you don't need to stay dormant because you think you’re “paying your dues”. As my mum will say “That’s a lie from the pit of hell”.
Links I sent my friends
I saw this in another newsletter and thought it’d be a great idea! I’ll start sharing articles, podcasts, and book recommendations that I shared with my friends in the past month. The internet is a deluge of information and I think a bit of curation from sources you trust or like goes a long way. Feel free to send me your recommended links also, I love discovering new and interesting conversations!
What It’s Like to Be a Sociopath - an interview with an actual Sociopath who also happens to be a therapist. Fascinating to see the dynamic between her and the interviewer.
When Did Everyone Get So Dysregulated? - acting out of character, easily triggered, or unable to control your emotions or outbursts? You might be dysregulated.
Why Are Pants So Big (Again)? - If you ever wondered if skinny jeans are cool again or fretted at the return of low-rise jeans, this very fun article is like a thesis on cool and uncool pants. One of my favorite quotes from the article: “Whatever style pants look like [expletive] to you are the pants you’re supposed to wear,” he wrote, “and as soon as they start to look normal to you, those are not the right pants anymore. You should always be wearing pants you think look stupid.”
Today’s topic reminds me of a lot of things we have discussed in the past on how people would want to take advantage of situations that they feel it’s their right for you to do whatever has been asked. I am trying to choose my words wisely but I believe you understand my point.
But like you said long suffering is part of life and as humans we learn from our experiences and mistakes to be better people in the future.